cupcakes oolala

I feel like I am going crazy. I mean even more than I already am. I couldn't concentrate at work today. So much so that I made a few mistakes and apparently seemed really off my rocker as people were asking what was up. baha. It sounds so funny when I write it down.

Genuinely though, all I wanted to do the entire day was come home and make cupcakes. I found this Guinness and Bailey's cupcakes here http://nookandpantry.blogspot.com/2009/02/guinness-chocolate-cupcake-with-baileys.html . I was preoccupied by cupcakes. Among other things that is. I am stressed over so much stuff that... I just want to bake. and bake. and bake. I'm not sure that it is healthy, but it sure is cheaper than therapy. [lol]

When someone directly asked me what was wrong earlier, I realized... I don't like talking about emotions. Like face to face, or out loud, I just don't really do it. Even with my best friends I just can't really articulate. I'm really insecure when it comes to emotions. Which sounds funny. Most people are insecure about their weight, or the shape of their face, or their nose, or something like that. I'm not saying I'm not insecure about my love handles, because I totally am, I think I am just sooo much more insecure about emotions. So with that being said, I am super stressed about my business class. We've only had like four of the nine classes that we should have had, give me a break! It's really hard to learn material that you don't ever do in class. grrr. Spanish sucks, I am having a super hard time with the past/present tense and the whole indirect direct object. oh and of course the reflexive verbs. yikes.

anyway. what a negative post.

C to the S

I really am not a fan of customer service. I just spent an HOUR instant messaging a 'human' (at least that's what I was told) about an error on a site that I need to run for school. I started out explaining very clearly what the problem was. Gave the direct link to the site, and told said human what I had tried to clear it up. Now, this is honestly the first time I have ever had to instant message my way through customer service, so maybe this is the way it always goes, but 'human' started out by asking me to perform the exact tasks I just told him I did. Humoring said human, I did as I was told, took about a half hour and a restarting of my computer later, go to the site; alas, the problem still exists. Next suggestion from 'human' is to uninstall and reinstall java. Once again out of good humor, I do as the so-called human asks and uninstall/reinstall and restart my computer. Get the chat link and the website up, and low and behold the site still does not work. CRAZY! I think I said that... While this may seem like an inherent thing to be miffed about, I just lost a HOUR of homework time, trying just to get the damn site to work! Now frustrated to the point of boiling, I nicely ask what to do next if these procedures do not work. Response I receive is something to the affect of '.....' from 'human'.

Which all the more infuriates me. After about a good 3 minutes of dead air I get a response of

'I am sending your concerns to our headquarters. They may contact you via Email with a POSSIBLE solution in the morning.' in the morning. IN THE MORNING.

F'ing awesome. I hate technology. And while I have worked customer service, I know that it's mean to say, I really hate customer service...

Whatever Works, ya know.

There are these people that I meet, or some that I have known for quite sometime now. Now, for no rational reason I can think of, there are times when we make eye contact, and for lack of better phrasing, I long to fight them. It's a look in their eyes, maybe a certain kind of fire. It doesn't last too terribly long, it's a fleeting feeling really, but the adrenaline rush that comes from fighting someone is unlike anything else. There are times where I wish I could make it go away. It is very distracting at times.

Sparkley!

I rather like skirts. They are so comfy and girly and pretty, and sometimes sparkley if so chosen to be. I sit here writing this instead of finishing my Spanish homework, or working on the 3 chapters of business and discussion question that I need to finish by tomorrow night. Sometimes school seems like such a daunting task to complete. I've forecasted it to take longer than two years for me to get my associates, just based on I cannot take school full time in the summer. I had taken classes in high school, but alas they do not count because they got "lost" between my high school and the college. I have decided that it will be ok if I have to take one of them over again, but I refuse to take the original over again. Based more on principal than just my general stubborn streak. I know that I am completely capable of skipping the writing completely, I do enjoy it, and I will need the credits in writing, so I may just wait until I have everything else important out of the way.

Aside from being slightly disappointed in the inner cogs and workings of the schools that I have been and currently am a part of, I feel happier than I have in a long time. I think school is good for me. I don't totally hate my job, but if I hadn't started school, I most definitely would have gone looking for a change of different sorts. It appears at some point I decided that I need variety in my life, something that my job semi lacks with its amount of repetition. School keeps things interesting, there is just enough stability having a repetitious job, that the constant change is not something that I'm having a hard time with, like I have in the past. This must be what it feels like to be growing up. It's funny really to think that I'm growing up. There is a part of me that will always kind of think that I'm 18... or 21, because I can finally go to bars with friends.

If I really kept track of the time that I wasted, I think that people would be shocked. There are people in my life that think I am just SO productive, and that it's so great that I can go to school and work full time, and still somehow find time to craft or sew things in my free time. Not that I want to burst their illusion of something, but to me, it feels like I WASTE a lot of time daydreaming. If I could sit down and do my homework all in one run, I would have so much more free time to do things like sew or workout, but instead I procrastinate, in the form of anything close to a distraction. I have a pair of grey gloves started in my purse, right next to a book I started called 'the gum thief' I'm not sure I like it, I don't really want to get pulled into an alternate reality right now, because I'm content with the real world. I have a couple cotton dishcloths started, in different colors, I started a couple "mug rugs" that I have yet to finish and a couple almost finished skirts upstairs, mainly I can't find the elastic I had for them.

There is this guy who stands on the bridge, and I feel bad every time I drive by because he has a sign that say 'work wanted'. It is so cold outside, I just don't understand his thought process really. The bridge is extra cold, because the river is high right now, and it's Stayton. If it were Salem or even a bigger town, maybe something would come of it, but we are such a small town, it just seems out of place.

hmmm...

So. I never really thought I was gonna be a blogger, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately, and it's nice to have something to procrastinate doing my homework with. What better way to procrastinate than writing! About things that may or may not matter. :)

I recovered a chair last week. It was kind of a pain. I has pictures though! I will spare you the ridiculous amount of pictures I had to go along with it, but I will show a few... :)

This thing was hideous. Like, I didn't want to touch it with my bare hands-disgusting-hideous. I got it for free at a church sale a couple years ago, and it has been sitting in my parents shop since than. We kinda threw that [fireproof I might add] fabric that I got from a friend over the top so that we could have the extra chair at our family get togethers. Anyway. I am more than certain that these people must have left it like outside in the weather or something, because it had some serious damage.



This one is actually after I stripped it down. The original 'stuffing' of sorts was SO GROSS. I believe it was actual original batting, like in cotton or something, and it was starting to like biodegrate or something. Plus there were all kinds of like weird fuzz things in there. Also the stuffing/batting that I used I'm pretty sure is stuff my sister got for me at a garage sale a couple years ago, for an entirely different project.

I am DAMN proud of this particular part of the chair. This is the first one I did, and the other one did not turn out as well as this one did. It still looks better than it did when I started. So that is good enough for me. :) anddd.... apparently I only have an action shot of the chair. Whatever. All in all, I think this took about like 6 hours or so. The entire time I was working on it, I was listening to Tom Petty [can I get a hell yeah?] who has so much music, I think I only repeated a couple songs. Pretty amazing, I think.

See ya'll next time I need to procrastinate. :)